The 3-3-3 Rule

​When you adopt a dog, many shelters will mention what is often referred to as the “3-3-3 Rule.” The 3-3-3 Rule is sort of a guide for adoptive paw-rents (see what I did there?) to understand what their new family member is going through as they get acclimated to their new surroundings, humans, routines, and any other fur-babies. The 3-3-3 Rule says the following:  The first 3 days your new family member will likely be feeling overwhelmed and nervous. For 3 weeks adoptees just get to settling in. And for 3 months they are building trust and bonding with you. 

Shelters share this with adopters because they want to try to prepare us for the actual nature of the acclimation period, rather than the fairytale. The fairytale says that “happily ever after” happens the moment a pet is adopted, but doses of reality like the 3-3-3 rule remind us that it is a process that happens gradually and over time. Love might be what makes a family–sure–but love doesn’t just happen once and then forever. It is a choice–a series of choices, really–a setting of the will to remain in relationship…COME. WHAT. MAY.

It has been three months since our Junie Beans has come to be a part of our family, and we have chosen love. Not just at the shelter the day that we adopted her, but that day and every day since. Even on that first day when I learned that my loud and booming voice–a voice that she wasn’t yet used to–could make her so nervous that she had an accident in the house. Even during that first night when she just couldn’t settle in her new surroundings. Even during that first week when she growled at Hank whenever he came within a stone’s throw of her when she ate or had a bone. Even on those days when we missed Dexter–and Murphy. On our first family walk. During our first time taking shelter in the basement as a foursome. When we made the decision to finish fencing our backyard so that she and Hank could run and wrestle off leash. Over and over again, each of us has chosen love in our way and in our own time. Over and over again, we have inched closer to one another and slowly figured out what makes “us” an “us.”

Sometimes in the Church, I think we forget that building community is like this. It doesn’t happen immediately when someone walks through the door, or when we show up at some event. Community happens little by little–3 days at a time, 3 weeks at a time, 3 months at a time–through a series of choices that everyone involved–those who are new to our community and those who have been here for a while–makes to take just one more step toward each other. Community happens whenever we open ourselves to the vulnerability of being known by others, and getting to know others as well. And community happens as we serve alongside each other, and weather life’s storms together, and build bonds of fellowship and trust that are strong enough to bend without breaking.

Though the term “Beloved Community” was popularized by Martin Luther King Jr., I think Jesus talked a lot about it too–he just called it the Kingdom of Heaven. And the Kingdom of Heaven–the Beloved Community–happens wherever everyone is cared for, free from poverty, hunger, hate, and prejudice. It happens wherever and whenever a group of people create a space of social equity, belonging, peace, and reconciliation. The Beloved Community–the Kingdom of Heaven–happens–IS HAPPENING–every time we set our wills to care for one another, and extend compassion to one another, when it feels like it would be so much easier to just ignore one another. 

It’s not a “rule” so much as a way of life. In fact, Jesus called it “The Way.” And it’s not a way that’s made through unrealistic demands or fairytale visions of instant and immediate “happily ever after’s.” It’s not a way that’s made by some involved taking a step toward select others. Rather, it is a way that’s only ever made when everyone involved moves toward each other and sets their will toward relationship and grace and the kind of love that only happens little by little over time.

3-3-3. Maybe it’s not just for when we adopt our furbabies…maybe it’s for when we do the hard work of adopting one another too.

Building Beloved Community with you,
Pr. Melissa 

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